


I'm Hurting Myself-Please, Let Me Help

by Gay_ass_spork



Category: Original Work
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, This thing does not like me., still shitty at tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10508673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gay_ass_spork/pseuds/Gay_ass_spork
Summary: Edward Doesn't like the way he is. He's gay, teased, his father hates him. He dyes his hair black, wears long sleeved shirts, and dislikes human contact.Jacob is too bright. He smiles constantly, is always happy. His family could care less he's gay, his parents aren't separated, and he can never be brought down.Then he sees the blood running down Edward's arms.Edward dislikes human contact, but lets Jake hug him. He doesn't wanna live, but wants to stay For Jake. Can Jake pull him back into the light?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I've edited my shitty work and fixed it up to look better! (I hope at least)  
> -T

Chapter One

 

He couldn’t believe that he was my partner. _I am stuck being lab partners with the guy who just happens to be the hottest guy in the class._

Okay, it wasn’t that bad. But still, he didn’t even know that Edward existed. What good is that?

_I’m looking at him again._

_____

_ He’s kinda cute.  _ Jake thinks as Edward Forrest sits down next to him. He didn’t look fully American. His voice didn’t sound like it either.  _ Okay, he’s hot. _ Jake blushes as Edward stretches, revealing his lower stomach. 

“So, wait what's the project?” Jake mumbles.  _ Greatest pickup line ever made, _ he mentally fac-palms.

“Something to do with gravity,”  Edward mumbles. He was staring at his page, confused. 

He  _ was  _ hot. His white-blonde hair fell lazily over half of one of his eyes. His skin was a gentle mix of tan and pale. His eyes were a bright blue. He wore a grey shirt with the sleeves going all the way down to his wrist, almost to his knuckles.

…  _ What am I supposed to do? _

_____

He was different. But not an outcast. Still, Jake seemed to be trying to talk him.

Jacob Rook. He was popular, not because of sports, but because he was nice and couldn’t help but smile. It had been five years that he’d lived in this country, and he still had a gentle Irish accent. His hair was a dark brown, and his eyes were a mixture of green and brown. _Hazel_. Edward thought. He was cute, but he had a small cut on his ear. It was small, but red. It looked like it would burn.

“So, do you want to get started?” Jake says softly. Edward smiles, and nods. He continuously looks over and watched Jake curiously. 

_____

Jake found it amusing to watch the nervous Edward. They would look at each other, then look away. It was fun, especially considering how absolutely boring the assignment. They begin talking to each other about the assessment. Jake smiles as he makes Edward laugh. He makes him blush.

_ Kiss him after school, _ his mind started. The part that wanted him bad.

_ No, are you crazy?!  _ The more sensible part says.

_ You’re me, so why don’t you answer that? _

He found this impossible to have this conversation at the moment. He decided this would be for later. 

____

Jake smiles and waves as Edward moves to go home. He smiles as he waves, but it soon fades.

His parents wouldn’t be home. He was glad of that. His mother-step-mother- couldn’t care less about his health or well-being. Then his dad, he refused to talk to him since he came out. His father ignored his voice.

He sighs and pulls out his Swiss army knife. He presses it against his wrist, not caring it was somewhere people could see. He grimaces as it stings a bit. He then pulls his shirt off and reveals his arms, covered in cuts. They were all recent, red and glaring. He sighs, falling onto the couch and falls asleep. It’s been a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward begins coming out of his shell to Jake, and Jake sees Edward smile.  
> Idk, still shitty at this stuff.

Chapter Two

 

He could tell that something was off with Edward, but he couldn’t tell what. He never wore short sleeves, they went all the way down to his fingers. His hair was unnaturally bright. _Why was it like that?_ He smiles as Edward looks into Jake’s eyes. Edward blushes at how brightly he looked at him.

He began talking to Edward more often out of class. Forcing Edward into conversations was something he soon found was amusing to him. It bugged Edward, though. _That’s a plus!_ He thinks happily.

He found out, Edward was a mixture of different countries. American, Canadian, Hispanic. A few other Jake couldn’t remember.

____

Gym class. For some the most fun subject in the world. For Edward, the class was gruelling, and simply annoying. He sighs as everyone around him was still doing their mile.

Two girls walk up to him. He’d recently come out, and only to his parents. Nobody else knew that he was gay. The two smile at him, and to be polite, he smiles back. They lean closer to him, and his face flushes a deep red.

“Hi, Eddy!” one of them, Sheila says in a hyperactive tone.

“I don’t like to be called-” Edward starts, but the other, Mary interrupts him.

“We know, but you’re just so cute!” Mary says. They were too close, but Edward had no clue what to do.

“Um, you see, I- it’s just-”Edward stumbled and stuttered, unsure of what to say.

Suddenly, he feels an arm wrap around him from behind. “Hey girls!” Jake’s voice says. Jake looks at Edward, “Babe, are these nice young ladies bugging you?”

 _Babe?! What the-_ Edward looks into Jake’s eyes. _Go with it,_ they said. He nods gently, not knowing if he was agreeing to the question, or to his look.

“I’m sorry, but this one’s mine!” Jake says, wrapping his arms affectionately around Edward's waist. Edward plays his part, smiling and laughing while blushing furiously of course. He then feels Jake's lips press against his cheek. Edward burst out into an uncontrollable fit of giggling laughter.

“Sorry, Jacob, we didn’t know,” Sheila says easily.

“That’s okay, just check next time!” he laughs and waves to them as they leave. His face calms down as he looks back to Edward. “You’re welcome,” he says easily.

“You’re-” Edward didn’t have to finish as Jake nods. _He’s gay, hey! You’re gay, how about-_

 _Shut up,_ the other part of his mind says. He smiles at Jake, “Thank you.” he says.

Jake grins and waves as he walks away. Edward was still blushing. He felt suddenly bad about cutting, and it all seemed wrong. Why did he want to die again? Wait, what? It had only been two days, man, he falls fast.

____

He’d kissed Edward Forrest. He was grinning the rest of the day. It was weird, he’d only kissed Edward’s cheek. Edward was still blushing though. He couldn’t care less about that. He was just… happy.

They worked after school, at Edward’s house. Jake went to the bathroom for a minute, but when he came back, Edward had fallen asleep. He was adorable, and Jake stared unabashedly. He wrote a note quickly; _Edward, Gotta go home, sorry, see you tomorrow, bye!_

Laying in his bed, Jake stares at the ceiling. He was bored. He’d fall asleep soon enough. One thought was in his mind.

_I love Edward Forrest._

_____

Edward wakes up and realizes there was a note on his head. Jake had left when he’d fallen asleep, but the note had XOXO and a little heart. He blushes but enjoys the fact that someone gave him-him something showing him affection.

He walks to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. His hair was losing its colour. The black locks were reappearing. He looks at it. Then shrugs. _Oh well._ He’d just have to to have black hair again.

Something shocks his mind, as he sees the text on his phone. From his stepmom. _Mom,_ he corrects himself.

 _Hey sweetie,_ tch- who told her she could call him that? _We’re coming home tomorrow! See you soon._

The knife he held gently against his wrist refuses to go any deeper. Why won’t it-?

It was because of Jake. he didn’t wanna die suddenly. _Okay, this is new. Don’t wanna die? Okay. Put the knife away._

Edward puts the knife back into the cabinet. He sighs. They’re coming. Whether he wants them to or not.

 

Hours later, his stepmom walks up to him, giving him a hug. Edward stands there, not returning the hug back to her. She pulls away and tries to look at him, “You’ve grown so much!” Edward simply stares at her. She moves his head to study it.

The details on his face were outlined quite a bit. His cheeks were slightly hollowed. His mother asks him if he’s eating enough. He nods without really answering.

He wasn’t, honestly, but his mom didn’t need to know that. His dad nodded to acknowledge him, then ignored him.

Edward sits in the living room with them, but he wasn’t paying attention, listening to Panic! At The Disco.

“ _Who are these people? Just woke up in my underwear. No liquor left on the self. Guess I’d better introduce myself._ ” his head bobs with it. He scrolls through Wattpad on his phone, honestly just bored. He found one fic, and starts reading.

It wasn't appropriate from the beginning. He blushes deeply, staring wide-eyed at his screen.

His father decided to look over at him. Seeing his strange position, he takes the phone out of his hands, and read out loud.

_Fuck._

“ _Sirius sees Remus’s crotch, noticing the imprint against his jeans…_ ” he looks back up at Edward, and reads on, by himself. His eyes go wide. _Shitshitshitshit_. He passes the phone back. “What the hell kind of book is that?!” he asks.

 _He’s not drunk! Praise the lord, I might actually live!_ Edward thinks quickly.

“Um… fan fiction?” Edward says, snatching his phone back, blushing hard as he puts his earbuds back in.

“ _Oh! Well in fact! Well, I’ll look at it this way, I mean, technically our marriage is saved! Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne!”_

He smiles as he finds a fluffy fic. Now he needed something less… cute. Such a fucking circle.

____

Jake was bored out of his mind. So he texts Edward. _Hey._

_Who is this?_

_Your worst nightmare._

_Hello Jacob._

_Aw, boo. You figured me out!_

_It’s not hard, you’re the only person I know who’d make that meme._

_Oh, well that’s boring._

_Yeah._

_So, what are you doing right now?_

_Parents are home, so I’m ignoring them, on the couch, listening to music while I try and read fan fiction, but_ someone’s _bugging me._

_Huh, wonder who that could be?_

_No clue._

Jake blushes and smiles. He was loving this idiot more and more. His mother notices and tries to look over his shoulder. He blushes, and huddles over the texts.

_So… you wanna go out with me?_

_You’re an idiot._

_Why thank you, what’s your answer?_

_Same response._

_Okay, I know. I’m an idiot, now, tells me before I implode._

_Too bad I’m not there, I’d love to see that._

_Tell me!_

He takes forever to respond. _Yeah, sure. Meet me at the school in 2 hours._

_‘Kay!_

He gets up, chirpily. He grabs his keys. “Going out for a minute!” he says, giddier than normal.

“Hey little buddy!” Jake says, ruffling his hair annoying.

"Hello Jacob, how are you today?" Edward says, easily pushing him off.

"Good! And you?"

"Good." Edward looks the way he usually does. His long-sleeved shirt was over-sized, going all the way down past his hands. His hair was the same white-blonde, except locks of black were revealed.  _So that's why his hair was unnatural, it was died._ Jacob thinks.

They were walking near a street with multiple little shops and Edward accidentally stubs his toe. "Fuck!"

Jacob stares, realizing he'd never heard Edward shout, let alone curse. He winces, and rubs at his foot. 

_____

He's staring at Edward now. 

_All I did was stub my toe, is it really that monumental?_

"I've never heard you curse." He says.

"Well I'm in pain, so," Edward mutters. "Shit."

Jacob smiles and nudges at Edward gently. "Hey, I've got a joke for you!"

"What?" Edward growls.

"Knock knock!"

Edward sighs, knowing he wasn't getting out of this. "Who's there?"

"You know!"

"You Know Who?" Edward pauses.

"I've seen you reading Harry Potter, so I thought you might think that was funny." Jacob says akwardly as Edward doesn't laugh immediatly. "I guess not."

Then, in spite of himself, Edward laughs at Jacob's shy expression. "You're just so cute!" he laughs. Jacob smiles at Edward's face, bright with laughter. He hugs Jacob, "You're adorable, darling." he murmurs. 

Jacob smiles, and hugs him back.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward lets slip it's his birthday to Jake, and he completely flips.  
> The cuts Edward is forcing upon himself are getting deeper and worse, and he almost gets infected.  
> Jake still doesn't know he's cutting.

Edward winces as he cuts his hand.

This was the third cut in the last hour. 

Blood now stained his arms and left hand. His step-mom had given him a book he absolutely loathed. 

"I noticed you were running low on reading material, so I got you this!" She said as she gave him a thick hard-cover version of Divergent. "Most kids your age Loved this, so I thought you might like it!"

His father, being smarter gave him a paper-back version of The Blood Of Olympus. He kissed Edward's forehead, but refused to speak. Edward nodded, and thanked him. 

" _They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding."_  

 ~~~~His head bobs as the music calms him down. He was texting Jake, _Yeah, my mom got me a shitty b-day present._ he says. 

_IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?! HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME?!_

_'Shit'_ he thinks.  _Yeah._

_I'm getting you a present._

_No! You don't have to!_

_I want to._

Edward sighs, his hand still hurt. He decided to let Jake do this. 

His phone buzzed again.  _I'm taking you on a date, coming in five, see you soon!_

Edward smiles. 

_Okay._

________

Jake knocks on the door, and a tall man who looked quite a bit like Edward walked out. He was at least three inches taller than both of them, his build much stronger than Edward. He had black hair, like Edward. His eyes were different though. 

"Um...Hi. I'm Jake, here to pick Edward."

Just as he says it, Edward pushes past him, running out the door. 

"I swear dad, he's just a friend. I'll be gone most of the afternoon, I'll see you at dinner!" 

He pushes Jacob down the steps. He sighs.

"My dad's a homophobe, he barely likes me." 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." 

The rest of the evening, Jake did his best to make Edward forget his father. They laughed, they joke.

And, by the end of the night, Jake, moving carefully, brushes his lips against Edward's lips. 

He pulls away, and smiles at Edward's surprised, wide eyes. his face was a deep red. 

"I'm sorry." he bites his lip.

Edward then gently kisses Jake. 

The first kiss is never the way it is in the movies. It's not immediately fast. It's short, quick, and is practically a peck. 

But it's sweet, gentle, and causes your stomach to flutter.

That's how Jake felt when Edward Kissed him.

He pulls away, and grins. "I like you Edward. Like, a lot."

Edward smiles, "I like you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR HATING ON DIVERGENT!!! FORGIVE MY FOOLISHNESS!!!  
> Also, supper bitter-sweet chapter.  
> THEY'RE JUST TOO CUTE!!!  
> Remember! Like comes before love!


	4. UPDATE

To anyone who actually read thus peice of shit, it's bring abandoned. Anyone can still rasd it, and I'll probably try and rewrite it to a newer, better version later, but I'm working on other things for now.  
-T


End file.
